Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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