I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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