if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
