shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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