He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
