I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
