Its about making memories worth repressing
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would ride that face into the sunset
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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