CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
