The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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