She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
