"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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