I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
