In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
