Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we're making bets on your personal life
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
