honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize