...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize