I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
