i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
