ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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