Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
