I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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