OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
