My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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