i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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