Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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