I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
