feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
