I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he thought i was a dude.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
