using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
