i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
