well I can't set my house on fire every night
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
