Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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