I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
