im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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