So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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