The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
