Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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