Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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