So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
