we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
