Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
