I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
