I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
