Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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