dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
