C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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