Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
