I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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