I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
