Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
