My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
