Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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