Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
