brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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