i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
