508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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