WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
