I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
