remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
