it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
